I'm giving up. There's nothing that can be done or said. It's aggravating and I feel like I've stepped into someone else shoes. I don't recognize myself and I feel like all flavor has been lost in my life. I'm not trying to be selfish, but you know what? I think I'm going to be. I know life changes people and people are never the same, but this is just ridiculous. There are people out there in worse conditions and they are living life and enjoying it. I'm angry and upset with the person who morphed your life into a tragic silent movie. I just see you drowning and I can't do anything. I throw myself into the water but end up drowning next to you because I can't even do anything to help.

I want to get away from you and your life because I seem to be infected with the same thoughts and feelings you feel. You say I don't understand, but you don't understand me! You don't know how it feels to put on a smile for everyone when they ask if I'm okay. You let people know you're not feeling okay but I don't. We're two different people and I also have my needs! I'm so tired of feeling anger for little things. I try not to, but it's so hard!

Ugh and I have no idea what I'm writing. This all just spewed out of my mind while listening to music. I hate how I bury my true feelings when I realize that I can hurt the next person with them. I loathe that I always put people ahead of me and I don't think about myself. I hate how I'm regretting writing all of this out and that I'm totally not going to get away from you and I'll continue being an idle ghost waiting for your call. I'm always going to be the stupid friend getting a call back when things are broken. I'm always going to suffocate my true self and put the fake "good" smiling friend out.

UGH. Fuck man. I hate this shit.