Listening to: Sum 41-The Hell Song

Have you ever been so mad that you didnt care no more and you went ballistic and just sat in the bathroom and cried then rocked back and forth saying you wanted to die and then scratched you arms in order to reach death faster but couldnt die because your mother was outside and you couldnt do anything wifout being stopped and then get called crazy for doing what you just did?? Well I have..that happened to me yesterdasy. Yesterday was a beautiful/wonderful day cuz I got to see Jonathan and spend like half of it wif him it was sooo special I really loved it..but then when I came home the day/night got ruined by my middle sister..I wanted to see the Grammys and Pearl Harbor and well my stupid sister was watching Cinderella II and well I asked her if I could change it and shes like all mad telling me no so then I wait and her stupid show goes in commercial and I change it to see if the shows are over and she starts to yell and cry! im like WTF?? so I got pissed cuz why the hell did she do that? So I told her these exact words well half."Oh my gosh marina! Your 11 and you have your period and your still crying over Cinderella!" and well shes like I DONT CARE!!! and then she like starts to cry I MEAN CRY really hard and well I yelled at her to stop crying and shes all telling me to shut up and then my mom came in and she saw my sister crying and shes like in spanish what is going on here and well my sister told her that I had rudely changed the channel and that I had told her really bad stuff and then my mom glared at me (she was on the phone wif George) and started to yell at me and said she was going to punish me wif the most painful punishment in the world (which is not to see/talk to jonathan) and she just went ballistic..I got mad and I just ran in the bathroom and yeah...I had never done that until yesterday..I got so mad I mean so mad and I just went crazy I couldnt handle it no more I bet that one more of these and ill probably do sumfin drastic..Im scared cuz well I think im crazy (ok so maybe I am crazy..) but like so much anger and I couldnt write in my diary if I would of been able to write down how I felt last night that wouldnt of happened..I guess thats why it was the first time because I wasnt able to write how I felt and it was all jumbled up in there...I just lay in the tub crying and I almost fell asleep until my mom came knocking and telling me to go to sleep cuz of fucking school... before I went to sleep I decided to cut my nails so that I wouldnt be able to hurt myself in the future cuz well I was scared and now my nails are all cut and short there UGLY!!! *tear* but o well...My mom is cool to me today its like she just forgot about it and so is my sister she even talked to me today but I ignored her..Im still mad..its cuz of her that it happened...but it was also me..I should just disappear like go take a walk out in the centro alone ya know? or just sit outside and lay in my front yard and look up at the clouds...im going crazy so why not add that?? Im scared but yeah. School was the same..I couldnt tell my friends what had happened yesterday I only told them about the Jonathan part but not about the night..Theyd be like omg your crazy..grr I just need a hug and I bet that will be gone..Or maybe I should just carry my diary wif me everytime so that I dont have to suffer wif my feelings again..How can such a beautiful day like yesterday be ruined...BY HAVING A SISTER!!!...yeah well im going to go now cuz I am going to Orange to exchange my moms celly phone..I need this fresh air..it saddens me cuz I might not talk to Jonathan..I got sad yesterday when he left I wanted to cry lol but I couldnt cry cuz I didnt want no one seeing me cry..Well I have to go.

Bye