Listening to: Godsmack-I Stand Alone

Dear Diary,

Today school was ok...but by the end of the day I started to think about sumfin that used to bother me a lot before but I slowly forgot about it but now it krept back on me and is bothering me and it even makes me cry but I have to hold my tears or else people will ask me "Whats wrong?" and shit like that FUCK EVERYONE!!! I mean it! im so mad right now Nothing went wrong in school YEAH RIGHT! While I walked home from school I saw myself in a window and well at first I saw a pretty girl and stuff but then I stopped and I looked at myself again and I started to cry right there like for no reason I just cried and I thought to myself "Are these tears meant for sumone or am I crying cuz I think that the mirror is lying to me and showing me sumfin else" and then I started to walk again and I began to think that I was a failure mind you that im not just saying this so that people can feel sorry for me DONT FEEL SORRY FOR ME NEVER!!! NEVER!! im saying this cuz well finals are coming up in 2 weeks! and I dont know nothing! IM FAILING!! im probably going to fail all of my finals!! that makes me cry I dont want to be a loser I want to be smart!! I really do and I try my hardest to raise my grades but I cant! I JUST CANT!!! I DONT UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF!! I HATE IT!!! TOO MUCH SCHOOL PRESSSURE IM GOING CRAZY FOREALS.. I guess thats why I looked at myself in that window reflection cuz that window reflection shows a girl that looks happy and ok but really is bombarded with pressure from school and Im also depressed cuz I see a friend of mine that doesnt see how beautiful she is but slowly she will realize that she is beautiful and shell be happy it makes me sad just seeing my friends sad all down and sad and it deppresses me more knowing that I want to help but that maybe I dont help ya know? ay plus my friends are smart and pretty and im stupid I dont know algebra 2 chemistry is killing me and history omg I fucken try and I dont know...I AM SO DOWN!! yep...I got home and I just went straight to the bathroom and just puked..I didnt tell noone nothing no one knows how im feeling right now..my mom asked me if I wanted to eat but I wasnt hungry...and well while I walked by I said "NO MORE PIZZA NO MORE EATING TOO MUCH NO MORE EATING GREASY FOODS JUST HEALTHY FOODS NO MORE MUNCHING NO MORE MESSING AROUND NO MORE EATING FOOD!!I GOTTA STUDY BE MY BEST AND HAVE TO SUCCEED OR ELSE IM A FAILURE!!" I gotta straighten up and become *GOOD FOR PEOPLE* ya know? right now Im taking my education as a joke I need to straighten up...IM CONFUSED actually a lot of stuff in my head right now..I have to be the best I GOTTA BE HARD ON MYSELF I JUST HAVE TO OR ELSE IMMA FAIL!! Gosh so much shit!! I HATE IT I HATEMYSELF!!!...anyways I have to go cuz im not supposed to be online..write in you later bye

Sarahi