Dear Diary,

Today my day was ok. Well my mom today went to orange to go and exchange her cell phone cuz well cuz I got it wet yesterdasy..lol Yep. She said that she might of gotten me a celly. I hope she did cuz I want a cell phone real bad. Ive been asking her for a celly phone since I was 14! She would always tell me LATER WHEN YOUR OLDER and well I just hope that she did get me a celly phone with TEXT MESSAGING so that I can talk with my friends during class..he..he..he. I want a small phone either blue or black or maybe pink or sumthing like that yep. Well today during 5th period Carlin put make-up on me. And well everyone was like Wow Sarahi you look prettier like that with Make-up! I started to feel my cheeks grow hot lol. This one girl is like you dont need make-up your already pretty and she smiled at me and I told her thank you. Carlin kept telling me that she loved my eyelashes and that she wanted them bad lol. Im like here you can have them lol and shes like "SARAHI TAKE THEM OFF!" lol She put mascara on me and she made my lashes even longer and well then during 6th period everyone was like "aww you look so pretty your wearing makeup!" lol I would be like "Oh thank you for calling me pretty" and id just smile. I kinda didnt know what to answer them cuz well I dont know I think its rude saying "Im pretty!" Cuz well I dont know. I mean somedays I am pretty lol and well I know cuz well I fix myself and stuff but other days I just dress like *Whatever* and I dont know lol OH WHO CARES! lol Anyways I GOT AN A~ YAY HOORAY FOR ME! I guess things are finally becoming good for me Im so glad I just hope that it keeps up. Well today my sister and I talked about sex lol I was all explaining stuff to her and I told her about How girls became pregnant. Shes all grossed out lol but hey she had to know someday! So I told her so that she could be the smartest girl in her class lol. Although I guess theres other kids in her class who have knowledge of that but hey at least she knows now. She says that she dont want her cherry to be popped ha ha I just laughed and im like Tell me that when your with your boyfriend ok?? She just laughed and said ILL NEVER FORGET THAT OK??...I talked with Jonathan yesterdasy I WAS SO HAPPY JUST TALKING TO HIM!! TALKING TO HIM IS LIKE IM LIKE IN A BEAUTIFUL DREAM IM SO IN LOVE!!! My friend told me the same thing today in Lunch shes like "your really really really in love with your boyfriend and that is so beautiful cuz now and days theres less couples like that and its rare to find two people who really love each other" I almost started to cry..foreals cuz well I never imagined that I would fall in love with someone so amazing and wonderful. I always thought that love didnt exist that love was just a thing made up by *NOVELAS* lol but hey im in love now and it feels so beautiful. I miss him so much I wanna see him really really bad. I just want to kiss him and be in his arms forever. I wanna lay next to him and watch stars in the sky and just laugh and talk and then fall asleep in each others arms. <~~Aww that made me miss him even more *tear*. Well yesterdasy when I went over to orange some people said that I maybe had another guy and that maybe he had another girl..I just stared at them I tried to leave but they told me to stay. The prob keeps getting bigger. Im kinda glad that the plot hasnt gotten worse but im worried that someday it will get bad and well George will find out the truth and then well im going to feel bad cuz I lied to him and I told him that I wasnt going out with Jonathan. It sucks to lie cuz well overtime the lie just gets worse and worser cuz the person trusts you and when they finally find out they get mad cuz you never told them the truth. But im afraid to tell the truth cuz well Im afraid of never seeing Jonathan ever again. I know ill die if I dont see him I know I will TRUST ME. Blink 182 has come out with cool songs. Feeling this has a nice music vdo. Well I havent talked to my daddy about me going overthere for christmas and I kinda do so that I could talk to him and he could tell me if im going or not you undertand?? Im really confused. Im under so much stress lately im surprised im not dead..foreals. If I would of had these problems in texas I probably would of killed myself or sumthing. I did think of suicide overthere like one time I was alone at my house and I went to the kitchen I went to the drawer and I got a knife out and I just held it against my stomach and I just thought of the reasons to kill myself and there were a lot and I thought of the reasons why I shouldnt and well my family popped up and these other things but they were so little compared to the ones of *reasons to kill myself* but well then I started to cry cuz well I had more reasons to kill myself than to live. I was so miserable I just wanted to die but thank god I chose the little things of reasons to live cuz well now I love to live cuz I have Jonathan in my life I bet if he would of been in my life back then I bet I wouldnt of placed the knife to my stomach. I also didnt do it cuz suicide is bad cuz well even if your a good person and you kill yourself your automatically condemmed to hell cuz well God put you on this earth to live and not to kill yourself and if you kill yourself its cuz you dont appreciate life. And well I do appreciate life so much but sometimes when im really mad/sad/depressed I dont watch what I say and well I say "I WANT TO DIE" but I shouldnt say that I should be grateful for living. THANK YOU GOD FOR LETTING ME WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND HAVING ANOTHER DAY OF LIFE. I know that now and days a lot of people forget to thank him and even I do sumtimes but Im REALLY REALLY thankful to him. WE SHOULD ALL BE THANKFUL TO HIM CUZ MAYBE JUST MAYBE IF WE ARE ALL THANKFUL TO HIM THE WORLD WOULDNT BE FILLED WITH SO MUCH BAD THINGS HATE, SADNESS, RACISM AND EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPY. YEP people these days are so mean dont give thanks to god for the stuff that they have YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL. But of course im just a person with faith im not making you do that im just trying to see if I can plant a seed of faith to someone in need of it. Well I have to go cuz im not supposed to be online until 8. Ill get on later and ill try to come back here ok?? TILL MY FINGERS MEET THE KEYBOARD AGAIN SEE YA!

Yours truly and god bless,

Sarahi