Dear Diary,

Yesterdasy I found out A LOT of horrible stuff. Im being played with...I KNEW IT!!! IM SO STUPID!! IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!! IM SO STUPID I SHOULD OF KNOWN THAT I WAS MEANT TO BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!! NOW ALL OF MY ILLUSIONS ARE BROKEN..now ill have to go back to dreams an DIE!!! YES IM GOING TO DIE NOW CUZ THERES NOTHING IN MY LIFE WORTH LIVING FOR NO MORE...! I still love him though a lot and nothing will stop my love for him but im just hurt right now...ILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM..*tear*

BYE

Sarahi

11:13 PM

Well actually what really happened is "some people" are playing with Jonathan and my feelings...there playing a really stinky game...I have figured it out meself..I havent talked with Jonathan cuz im afraid hell tell his parents Ive kept it to myself..but yeah yesterdasy I found out A LOT of horrible stuff...it really hurt me im still kinda hurt I LOVE YOU JONATHAN...omg im so hurt..I cried last night yeppers..but its awight if im not meant to be loved i know ill die but o well. I think Jonathan doesnt know anything..so thats why I wont tell him maybe later or sumthing but I dont want him to tell no one NO ONE cuz if I tell him and he does tell ANYONE it could be the end of us seeing each other. I saw him tonight and he looked SO CUTE!!! I just wanted to hug him and kiss him but I had to calm down..I acted so casual and I barely talked he probably thinks im stupid or sumthing BABY I DID WANT TO TALK TO YOU BUT I HAD SO MANY THINGS TO TELL YOU THAT I JUST COULDNT BEGIN..and well then George is all leaving and my mom stayed behind talking to them :( George has said that I can talk to Jonathan and stuff but that I should just avoid starting probs cuz he dont want probs..Its ok I wont start any � im an angel! � What I said in the morning is stupid I was just pissed and sad at the same time..Omg Chris (this guy I know from georges fam) said that Jr (this other guy from georges fam) has a crush on me..When he told me that I was like nahuh he cant I mean im not PRETTY HOT lol Im just a girl and then hes like watch how he acts around you...and well sure enough he kept acting *COOL* and then when I was playing on the game boy advance and he kept pressing my fingers with his fingers and he kept trying to kill him *He obviosly was flirting with me* lol I was like "Let me play its my turn" lol and chris is like "told you he likes you" and im like OMG HES 13 or 14 YEARS OLD im 16 omg he cant like me anyways I dont lol I love Jonathan...and well yeah that Jr kid kept acting all cool and kept trying to make me laugh..he succeeded sometimes but there were other times when I was like...*Um yeah sure* but as always Ill always be faithful to Jonathan cuz I love him and hes the only one for me (my opinion) I really do love him. Its this feeling I have that tells me that Im in love with him and that feeling is so beautiful! but when I found out those stuff It hurt me and my heart go a crack..like if its almost going to break..I cried last night after I found out well observed some stuff..I dont want to loose him..If I do I know ill die or maybe Ill just go back to texas and live there and turn my "boy crazy" switch off and just focus on my future with no boy..Well diary tomorrow is school again :( I hate school...RANDY IS THERE...he slapped my booty on tuesday..I dont want to go back I hate it..George said that for my senior year we might live in Orange I hope so cuz its more fun over there..Diary I have to go cuz my mom is telling me to go to bed so I will Ill write in you tomorrow Bye

Sarahi