There are so many people that are bullshitters and I mean it. Why bs when you can say the truth? Ive noticed SUM people that say bs to me and all I do is just act like I believe them when I know there just bs'ing. SHUT THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! Seriously. I mean come one who do you think I am?? Retarded Sarahi?? I hate it cuz they take me for sum stupid fucked up person who dont know shit..seriously. That gets me so pissed. A LOT of people have changed and ive noticed that too. I know that its not me whose changed cuz well I asked one of my friends that dont bs me and she said I hadnt changed that I was still myself that she didnt see no change in me both in physically and emotionally. But people have changed and that sucks.

I cant mention any names cuz well a lot of people I know read this and well yeah. It kinda gets me sad cuz well youd think that people would care for you. you know? But like instead they use your niceness against you cuz they think your always going to be there for them but they should think that the NICE person wont always be there cuz well they find out that there being used. (sorry if I confused you).

Today I woke up feeling fat, ugly, horrible, and stupid. I seriously think I am REALLY FAT. I mean ive cut down on eating and I even have been riding this one bike that my mom has outside and no freaking results. I guess the only other thing is starving or puking every fucking thing out of your body. I mean its not like anyone cares I mean they dont even fucking know anything thats happening so why the fuck will they care if im throwing up or starving myself Its not like there going to be like "Please stop or whatevers" There just going to shrug and be like "Oh dont do that cuz blah blah blah and bs" WHO GIVES A FUCK FOR WHAT SARAHI DOES!?!?! NO ONE SO YEAH. I dont give a shit I dont give if its bad for me at least itll probably help me gain confidence... I dont care what anyone thinks of me now. Ok so maybe I do care cuz im doing this shit but who gives a shit.

I need to reach this so that I can be happy with how I look (which will probably be never..) WHO THE FUCK CARES?? GRR..Im probably not even making sense. Why the fuck do I even bother to talk to people when they dont listen to me. Right now I feel SO MAD AND SO ALONE and I DONT GIVE A FUCK! FUCK EVERYONE!!

I know ive said that I should become a bitch and well I never do that. Why!? Cuz im to nice of a person and cuz im so fucking weak that I let people take advantage of me even when I dont want it to keep going.

Sorry im just mad right now and I wanted write down this shit down here so yeah cuz this is what this shit is here for so yeah. Ill shutup now.

6:11 PM

Sorry for leaving you without pressing the DONE! button but my mom was leaving to the bank and I wanted to go with her. I guess I kinda cooled off. Im just feeling emotional and shit.

After listening to K-ci and Jojo "All my life", Linkin Park "From the inside" and "Numb", 311 "Love Song" and yes even Britney Spears "Everytime". I got to cry and just pour out all my feelings by tears. About the bullshitters thats just how I feel thats happening around me and also the changing things I mean I dont know if its really happening but thats how it feels. Like if everyone is just there cuz they feel sorry for me. If they are I dont want them to feel sorry. I feel like if they dont like me cuz of what I look like and thats why I want to do what I want to do.

I could talk to Jonathan but like I dont want to bother him with this thing cuz well I dont know cuz I feel like I dont know I just feel like if I annoy him. I should just leave him alone for a while so that he dont get annoyed. He tells me that I dont but I dont know. Im sorry if I do annoy you and if I dont Thanks for listening to me =) God I love him so much and I die just thinking about not being able to see him.

I need to sleep and not wake up until all these mumbled things going on in my head clear out. Then when I wake up everything will be clear for me to understand and stuff. *sighs* I hope I didnt bore you to death and im sorry if I did..