I know the day of my wedding will be very emotional and I know I will cry. In my graduation, I looked up and saw the beautiful blue sky. It made me tear up when I began thinking of this special moment that I couldn't share with my dad. It's hard and my heart broke, because I knew this meant so much to him. I know he wanted to see me graduate and get my diploma. That's what he always wanted me to do, and it broke my heart knowing that he wasn't there to see it.

While he was in a coma, I promised him I'd graduate school and continue my education until I graduated college with a career. I also promised him that I would take care of my mum and sisters no matter what. In my heart I felt that if he could talk he'd tell me he loved me and was proud.

It's been seven years since he died and I miss him more than ever. I'm getting married in November and I feel so incomplete. I know I'm not the only one whose father won't be there, but damn it I sure feel like it. I would love to see him and tell him, "Daddy, I love you and I'm getting married. Are you proud?" He would probably make a comment about my future husband and make fun of him. I don't know if he would like him, though. Probably not because he's marrying his little princess. Hehe, my dad. I love you dad and I miss you.

Nobody around me will ever understand the pain I feel. I know death is part of life, but damn it he was my dad! Seventeen years wasn't long. I wanted to see my dad grow old! AGE! I'll never get to see my dad become a grandparent and my children will never meet him or know him. Sure they will hear about him, but it's not the same. I want to be selfish and go back in time and stay by his side to stop the tragedy. I would trade anything to go back and change the past.

I remember being by his bedside and asking God to perform a miracle on my dad. I remember thinking, "Lord! Please if you perform this miracle and make him wake up, I'll be good." I imagined my dad waking up and smiling at me telling me "hey mijita linda!" but that didn't happen. I felt robbed. His eyes closed to the world and his bruises on his forehead and his closed mouth. His breathing and his hair. I remember touching his skin and feeling his warmth, but it was a cold warmth. I just couldn't believe it. Why? Why did this happen?

I get tired of not hearing his voice. I'm sad because I try to remember his laughter, but I get nothing from my memory. I get upset with myself for ever forgetting his laugh and I know that slowly I'm forgetting his voice. If only there was a video I could play over and over again to hear his voice. Wouldn't that be marvelous? I could even record it into my phone and play it in the car and smile on my way to work. I think I might even have a conversation with the recording. I wouldn't mind because I know I'd be talking to him. I'll probably never get over the fact that my dad is gone. It hurts so much and the memories of him in the hospital always haunt my memories when I think of him dead.

I don't think it's fair and right. I love him and he is gone. I'm looking at his picture right now and it brings me to tears. I saw that man with his eyes closed and with bruises on his forehead and blood coming out of his ears. How could that happen to someone so amazing??? HOW? HOW? WHY?

Loving father and such a beautiful soul.

I love you daddy. I love you so much and I'm sorry I'm so angry. I love you and I miss you. And just like you said, one day we will be together and we will be a happy family. And I promise you, I will get us a house and we'll live happy.

I want to hug you, daddy, and tell you about my day. I'd tell you all I've done and my plans for the future. I'd ask you what you thought of my car and if you were proud.

Are you proud daddy? Laugh daddy and talk to me, please.