My stomach hurts and I want to throw up. I feel like all my feelings have been killed and I'm just an empty vessel sitting there and taking up space. Yeah, taking up space. I can't cry anymore and my heart feels like shit. I really don't know what to do because I've walked this path many times before and it seems like I don't learn. I want to be with him and I suppose he doesn't. He says he loves me but needs space. He says he doesn't want to lose me yet wants to keep me close. I really don't know what he wants. I know what I want. Him.

Maybe all of this is not meant to be. Just thinking about it makes me want to start crying but my tear pores hurt from crying too much. I don't know what else to do but sit and watch the world go by. I smile and wave but feel nothing.

This is my song at the moment.

I want to be in his arms again, kissing him and just laying with him. Our skin touching and looking into each others eyes. That was such a beautiful moment and I want it to happen again. I really don't know if it will and it depresses me even more. I need him. I want him. I feel like saying, "I can't live without him!" But I know I can and if it's not meant to be, then I will live without him.

Gosh. Three weeks of this! THREE WEEKS. They only reason why I've survived until now? Distraction. Freaking distraction. I need distraction... the things I like aren't even fun anymore. I don't care about anything but him. My brain is poisoned and I'm just swimming in a black pool of nothing but memories.

I shall leave it on God's hands and see what he thinks is best for me. I don't know what else to do or feel.