So starting on Tuesday I will now be working Tuesday to Saturday. I've never had to work on Saturdays (I think?)and if I really think about it a lot I get sad because my friends and husband do not work on Saturdays. What's keeping me positive and okay is the fact that I will not work on Mondays. That means I can take care of errands and Dr. appointments. I've already scheduled an appointment to see my therapist for a Monday in October. I'm looking forward to that. I can get taken care of on Mondays.

Marriage so far has been good. The only thing I'm a bit annoyed at is the fact that I have gained so much weight in the months after I got married. I have gained a total of 20 pounds in a span of 9 months. That's horrible, huh? I'm like, wow! I'm pretty sure my husband has gained weight as well, but I don't know how much. It frustrates me because a lot of my clothes does not fit me anymore. A lot of the clothes that I think are cute and would wear a lot I can no longer wear. I have gotten rid of so many pair of pants that it makes me sad to remember me getting rid of them. I don't want to buy anymore new clothes because I don't want to say it's okay that I have gained that much weight. I don't want to be okay with it. I want to be able to lose weight and go back to what I was before I got married. I was never the skinniest of girls, but I was never really a big girl. I was more of an average thick girl. It sucks because I think my weight gain has caused a lot of my insecurities when being intimate with my husband.

I don't think my husband understand how serious it is for me to lose the weight. I want to feel good about myself and what I wear. I don't want to feel fat and disgusting. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my rolls in the reflection of my mirror. I hate having a muffin top and not looking cute in the nice clothes that I have in my closet. I can't even wear dresses because you just don't see it how it's supposed to look on a body. I feel like it's lumpy and ugly. I know I should be more active to lose the weight and be able to fit in the clothes properly, but my work schedule doesn't help out a bit. I do hope that with this new schedule change I am able to change my life to a healthier more active one.

We shall see I suppose.