Grr..Nervoussnes
January 11, 2004 - 10:55 AM

Listening to: Mana-En el Muelle de San Blas

Dear Diary,

I saw him yesterdasy I WAS SO HAPPY but at the same time I was dissappointed in myself..STUPID SARAHI AY!! Well the reason im dissappointed in myself is cuz well I acted so stupid!! I GOT SO FUCKING NERVOUS!! I hate that *tear* I mean I felt like crying of how nervous I was and I had to be holding sumfin or else id get really uncomfartble (sp) but omg I probably embarrassed myself yes I did Jonathan probably thinks im sum kind of stupid nervouse wreck..(thats what I am lol) I dont know why I get nervous ok He would stare at me I mean theres no problem there its all cool but I dont know when I see people stare at me for a long while or stare at me like WOW lol My lungs get tight and I have to look away cuz I cant look at them WHY DO I HAVE TO GET SO NERVOUS!!! I wanted to stab myself last nite while talking to Jonathan cuz my gosh I couldnt stop turning the page of this little book that was there I wasnt even looking at the book lol I was just turning the page I had to have sumfin cuz I was nervous and whats more embarrassing was I almost cried!! ('-')Omg If I would of cried I would of died right there! I dont want him to see me cry. STUPID NERVOUS SYSTEM oh and then his lil sister said sumfin about the heart beating really fast or sumfin and I thought that they could hear my heart it was beating so fast omg I bet I almost got a heart attack lol and then He held my hand *aww* and I wanted to kiss him but there was a lot of people in the place so no I mean I would like for it to be just us 2 Ya know? but we did kiss our cheeks lol he kissed mine a lot though cuz well I was very nervous I didnt even know what the fuck I was doing I was like WOW I dont want to get nervous no more I wanna be COOL like CALM and stuff no more fidgetting with stuff. Then he had to go and we hugged! yay! lol He smelled nice (~.')I didnt wanna let go but I had to *tear* I hope to see him today cuz were going over there again and my mom might go with George to Pechange (sp) this las vegas wannabe place here in california lol...I was even stuttering (sp) it seemed like I wasnt enjoying the visit BUT I WAS ENJOYING IT!! I LOVED IT!! He probably thinks im stupid or sumfin..I miss him *tear* I love him so much foreals foreals He makes me feel soo pretty and so nice. Next time imma try really really hard not to get nervous and if I am nervous not to show it that much and Ill be NORMAl and I wont be stupid *smiles* IM SORRY!!! IF YOU EVER READ THIS JONATHAN (probably will dunno) IM SORRY FOR HOW I ACTED YESTERDASY and HI *MUAH!* *MUAH!* *HUGS* lol yeah I always say hi when im nervous...anyways I have to go cuz I have to get ready..TOMORROW IS SCHOOL...ALFI!!! ALFI!!! hehe CAROL AND ALFI TOMORROW!! Luv you carol!!! *smooch!* XOXOXOXO lol. Write in you tomorrow

Bye

Sarahi *Cuando crei morir fue en verdad cuando naci al verte a ti bonita mujer desde ese momento tus ojos se clavaron en mi alma tu ternura y sencillez quedaron sembradas en mi corazon..Mujer mi nina, mi nina mujer, mujer mi nina mujer amor a primera vista amor de primera vez mujer nina, mi nina mujer, mujer nina mi nina mujer amor con toda el alma amor con todo el alma Linda es tu sencillez tu honradez y honestidad por ello pongo mi vida a tus pies* <~~Mi Niņa Mi Niņa Mujer-Los Angeles Azules

yesterday - tomorrow

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