Little Dark Depressed Fairy �
February 20, 2004 - 4:57 PM

Listening to: Kylie Minogue-Red Blooded Woman

Well the weekend has come...but it seems like its going to be a boring weekend..today it rained and I felt so glad cuz the sky was crying wif me. Silently inside I cried while I "laughed" and while my friends took pictures but deep down I just cried I was gray just like the sky. I know that I am meant to be like this Dark, Depressed and Locked up inside thats just me SARAHI. Its ok thought cuz I kinda like it now. Being very very happy to me is so rare its mostly when im wif Jonathan or when im thinking of my future which is basically being a famous actress wif a great family you know? I know im crazy but hey its cool. Being sad/depressed isnt bad especially when youve been like that since the 9th grade I mean its only been 3 years and I already feel at home wif it. I feel happy when the sky cries I feel happy when I cry. It makes me be at ease it relaxes me it helps me out wif my troubles. The thing that I like about me is that when I dont want people to know whats going around me I am happy for them you know like today my friends were happy I didnt want to ruin their hyperness/happiness wif my depression state of feeling lonely so I just smiled and laughed at their jokes when all I wanted to do was just go in lil corner and cry my eyes out. Its a blanket of sadness that drapes my life when I wanna be warm and well now its like it keeps me warm even when im happy and I thank it. My depression has been wif me since all my problems began so its been through tough times wif me. I wish I could say the same about my friends but none of them know what ive been through none of them have been wif me that long to understand the only one that does is my Minnie Diary and you but not that much. Not even my mother knows because I always smile when im wif her so that I dont have to talk about it. Listening to soft/slow/sad/romantic songs makes me feel like if im not alone wif this you know? Im not crying, im not mad, im not feeling shitty, im feeling ok im not happy happy im just Ok but wif my little dark blanket its ok like beyonces song the Me, Myself and I song were she finds out that her only best friend is herself I guess its true I mean friends you help them when you think they need you or when they do need you and well after youve helped them they just turn around and forget that you ever helped them sumtimes they dont even notice you but its cool I guess my mom is right REAL FRIENDS are really hard to find and I always said its not true but now ive kinda experienced that wif a lot of people and well yeah. Right now I feel/say to myself that my best friend is Jonathan because ive told him stuff that I never told Mary or anyone else I tell him all my stuff and he helps me out. He listens to me and stuff and I feel good being listened although sometimes I feel like im a bother but he wont tell me or show it hell just say to tell him my probs and wif him I can clean my problems and hell help me and I really do thank him. THANK YOU JONATHAN �. Im so glad that I have someone like him. I look at him in 2 ways as a boyfriend and as a Best Friend and I dont care if im not his best friend I dont even care if im just a good friend or sumfin but yeah I just thank him for being there for me you know? Not like a lot of people I know but who cares about them. I trust him a lot lot and thats really rare cuz the people ive trusted in the past have broken my trust and stuff but like hes like the only one I REALLY REALLY REALLY trust you know? If he would ever brake my trust id have my diaries to write in so I wont die that much lol id just get sad and id never trust another soul ever again just my diaries. See im calm im not crying or im not mad I like myself like this wif this little black blanket. I like myself like this not happy nor mad just calm wif my little lonely, depressed deep down me you know? I like it like this im just calm. (IF I CONFUSED YOU WIF ALL MY TALK I APOLOGIZE BUT I JUST FELT LIKE WRITING ALL THIS AND MAYBE ILL COPY AND PASTE IT AND THEN PRINT IT OUT CUZ I REALLY LIKE WHAT I SAID CUZ THATS HOW I FEEL ALONE,DEPRESSED BUT ITS OK CUZ IT KEEPS ME CALM (sometimes)BUT YEAH AND EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT JONATHAN IS TRUE TOO I LOVE YOU JONATHAN) Well I am a Little Dark Depressed Fairy but im happy being one � and thanks for reading whoever reads it ill wrap this up and leave Write in you later BYE

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